Contemplations

So last week my family and I were in Huntington Beach and witnessed something very... unique? sad? i don't know how to describe it. We stood on the pier for over an hour and watched 16 lifeguards, 3 helicopters, 4 boats, 2 jet skis with 2 more lifeguards on each, and 2 scuba divers search the vast ocean for 2 lost swimmers. There was a group of 4 guys from Riverside at the beach that day following a wedding they attended. Two of them, guys in their 20's drowned in the waters. Apparently the lifeguards stayed out in the water until 1am searching for them. However they drowned and the bodies usually don't float back up until 3 days later. What struck me, was that even though there was SO many people scouring the waters, it still was not enough. How vast is the ocean? How powerful are the waves? And since I believe in a Creator, what does that show about His mighty power??

I have only that close around death one time before, when my uncle Bob died. As I was praying for the families and friends of the drowned men, my attention kept coming back to the lifeguards searching the water. They worked together so closely and efficiently. They would count to 3, all go under searching, and pop back up. They formed a line and moved slowly and carefully through the waters. I can't imagine what they were going through. I know if it was me, then my adrenaline would be pumping and I would be so desperate to find the bodies. On time preferably, but at least find them. I then imagine if they didn't find the bodies, and I was one of the lifeguards, I would feel like there was something I did wrong, like I should have tried harder or not..

Which brings me to thinking about my major. I am majoring in Social work, and I want to help out the silenced, the beaten, and the neglected. Yet I struggle because I am a go-getter, "fixer" kind of person. I like to see the issue, see how it needs improvement, fix it, and move on. However sometimes you cannot fix it. Sometimes there is nothing you can do, except listen, care, and be there. But you see, that is not really how I like to work :) It's a good thing that our Heavenly Father can handle all of this huh? Aren't we so lucky that he is ALWAYS there, and ALWAYS big enough to handle the hurts, stresses, frustrations, and failures??

As I come closer to graduation, I am starting to be scared... Am I ready to graduate? Have I soaked up all of my college education? Am I prepared for the world out there? Am I capable of making a difference and working in the social work field?? Sometimes I feel like a woman, and other times I feel like I'm only 21 (which I am) and still have SO much to learn. Graduating (and getting married) is a huge leap of faith. And I am ready to take that jump, I am just a little bit nervous :) What will my life be like without school? Without my parents paying for almost everything (that part I am not so excited to leave :) ) Without being under the care of my parents?

I thank God for days like these. Where I can sleep in, rest, reflect, take time to get ready and feel pretty, and know that there is NOTHING i need to do today :)

Soon I need to start turning in work applications. Scary!! If anyone is reading this, will they pray that the perfect job door be opened for me?? Thank you :)

-K