Recently I have seen a lot of hurting children. In July my husband and I went to Africa and spent a few days in some orphanages. It was the hardest thing to get on that bus and drive away knowing I will never see them again and that they may never remember when the "mzungu" came to visit. But I do. I remember. I remember seeing the look in their eyes as we pulled up. I can still feel their little hands rubbing my white arms and asking to be picked up. I remember knowing that the "bathroom" they had was not only completely unsanitary, but was not how it should be for them. I know that they deserve better. I know that they deserve a mom, a daddy, a home with a bed for them to sleep on instead of the floors, and a meal more than once a day. I know they are loved by a mighty God. But do they? Who will teach them that they have an eternal Abba Father? Who will take them to church and instruct them how they can become personally saved by Him?
At work, I see children each day that came from abusive, dangerous, hurtful homes that will wreck permanent damage on their lives. I see the stories of their lives. I see the attachment issues, the depression, the undealt with anger, and their cries for attention. I hope that through my job I can find them a new place to call home. A new family. I hope that they can see through their future that their past was not their fault, not how it should have been for them, and not pulling them down from a healthy future. And i pray, i PRAY that someone someday teaches them about Jesus. My heart is heavy when I hear their stories. My heart breaks to think that they may never know Jesus. It's been pretty hard for me to see them through a Christian point-of-view and know that event though they deserve a better home, that still doesn't cut it for Heaven. I know I see them only for a stage of their lives, but it's hard to think that maybe even after all they have been through, Jesus won't save them.
So who will? I know in my head I have to trust that God is good. I have to trust that his plan for their lives are good. I have to believe that they will eventually find peace and joy. But in my heart, I feel so far from that belief... I wish I could save them. I wish I could tell them the Truth and bring them to church. But I can't. And I'm not supposed to. That's why we have a King. A King of Salvation who knows them WAY more than I do and know what it will take for them to come to know Him personally. So I pray. I trust when it's hard and I have to believe that God is good. All of the time.
