Countdown

So Kate and I are getting matching tattoos in March and this is the design so far... It means beautiful young woman, and K for Kayla and Cate. What do you guys think?? ----->


I have wonderful things to count down to :) Want to know what they are? Okay since you asked :)

1. Graduation from College:: 19 Days!!!!!!! (HOLY CRAP)
2. Wedding Day:: 48 Days!!!!!!!!
3. Honeymoon: 51 days!!!!

Then there is Chicago, Hawaii, Texas, California, and maybe Uganda!!! YAY!!!

Quality or Quantity of Life?

Recently in my social work class we discussed dying. Fun topic right? :) Well in this class we were talking abut Dr. Kevorkian, euthanasia, and whether one determines their life by quality or quantity. For example, would YOU (yes you reading this) rather die younger in a very quick or painless death while you were still healthy, active, and joyful? Or would you rather live a long life that you age slowly and die in a slower process? We then began talking about euthanasia and if someone has a right to decide when they die. Everyone, literally everyone, said we do not have that right to decide. Whether we become a vegetable or not, we need to let God decide when to take us away.
Although I agree that God is in ultimate control, if it were me and I was a vegetable, I would not want to live. I would rather spare those around me the emotional pain and financial burden of watching me live the remainder of my life as a vegetable. I received some scrutiny from this as others said "Don't you think God is sovereign? Isn't this like committing suicide?" Yes and no. I do believe God is sovereign. If I unplug my life machine and keep on living, obviously God wanted me to keep on living. However, I also believe that God wants his children to be happy. If I were to spend 5-10 years in pain, numb, without any chance of recovery and was miserable, would he not want me to be happy and spend those additional years in Heaven with him? I think God would rather us be pain-free, happy, and enjoying the abundant life He gave us. I believe those who are vegetables deserve a voice in saying whether they want to live this way or not. Think of "Million Dollar Baby" for example.
Now on to the topic of committing suicide and Dr. Kevorkian. The topic at hand was whether people should have a right to decide when they die, and whether assisted suicide should be legal or not. For those who do not know of Dr. Kevorkian, he was "assisting" people in their deaths. They would approach him, he would give them drugs, and they would die. These patients could have been mentally ill, physically ill, or just depressed, and Dr. Kevorkian would help them out. I think that part is wrong. I think that if someone is mentally ill, or so physically ill that it alters their thinking, then it should be illegal for them to decide to die. They are not in the right stable mind to make such decisions. I also question whether those who are healthy and somewhat happy should be allowed to take these drugs in order to die. But my question is, even if this did not exist, it's not like people have no options for killing themselves. They can overdose, drive their car off a cliff, and do any number of things to die. Those are legal, so what is the difference?
I realize how morbid I sound now haha. I am not saying that I agree with Dr.Kevorkian, that I think assisted suicide should become legal, or that people have a right to kill themselves. As a Christian, I think murder is wrong. No matter who it is against. I just have these thoughts bouncing around in my head and want to let them out. If any of my 3 readers want to input an opinion, it is more than appreciated :)

Contemplations

So last week my family and I were in Huntington Beach and witnessed something very... unique? sad? i don't know how to describe it. We stood on the pier for over an hour and watched 16 lifeguards, 3 helicopters, 4 boats, 2 jet skis with 2 more lifeguards on each, and 2 scuba divers search the vast ocean for 2 lost swimmers. There was a group of 4 guys from Riverside at the beach that day following a wedding they attended. Two of them, guys in their 20's drowned in the waters. Apparently the lifeguards stayed out in the water until 1am searching for them. However they drowned and the bodies usually don't float back up until 3 days later. What struck me, was that even though there was SO many people scouring the waters, it still was not enough. How vast is the ocean? How powerful are the waves? And since I believe in a Creator, what does that show about His mighty power??

I have only that close around death one time before, when my uncle Bob died. As I was praying for the families and friends of the drowned men, my attention kept coming back to the lifeguards searching the water. They worked together so closely and efficiently. They would count to 3, all go under searching, and pop back up. They formed a line and moved slowly and carefully through the waters. I can't imagine what they were going through. I know if it was me, then my adrenaline would be pumping and I would be so desperate to find the bodies. On time preferably, but at least find them. I then imagine if they didn't find the bodies, and I was one of the lifeguards, I would feel like there was something I did wrong, like I should have tried harder or not..

Which brings me to thinking about my major. I am majoring in Social work, and I want to help out the silenced, the beaten, and the neglected. Yet I struggle because I am a go-getter, "fixer" kind of person. I like to see the issue, see how it needs improvement, fix it, and move on. However sometimes you cannot fix it. Sometimes there is nothing you can do, except listen, care, and be there. But you see, that is not really how I like to work :) It's a good thing that our Heavenly Father can handle all of this huh? Aren't we so lucky that he is ALWAYS there, and ALWAYS big enough to handle the hurts, stresses, frustrations, and failures??

As I come closer to graduation, I am starting to be scared... Am I ready to graduate? Have I soaked up all of my college education? Am I prepared for the world out there? Am I capable of making a difference and working in the social work field?? Sometimes I feel like a woman, and other times I feel like I'm only 21 (which I am) and still have SO much to learn. Graduating (and getting married) is a huge leap of faith. And I am ready to take that jump, I am just a little bit nervous :) What will my life be like without school? Without my parents paying for almost everything (that part I am not so excited to leave :) ) Without being under the care of my parents?

I thank God for days like these. Where I can sleep in, rest, reflect, take time to get ready and feel pretty, and know that there is NOTHING i need to do today :)

Soon I need to start turning in work applications. Scary!! If anyone is reading this, will they pray that the perfect job door be opened for me?? Thank you :)

-K

Oregon

I am here in Oregon with my family for a reunion. Yesterday we got to drive to little old beach towns, see an old light house, and drive through the beautiful country side. Isn't it funny to see how just one state can vary so much in nature, mood, sights, smells, and persona?? What does that say about the people living in the city?

Recently a family friend of mine asked me "what defines a city"? It is the architecture? Is it a movie, song, or poem that highlights or exemplifies the city? Is it a large piece of art? Or is it the collaboration of sights, smells, people, and sounds that jumbled together make a rhythm for the city? For example, most people would say what is so great about Chicago is the architecture. New York is great for the layouts of the roads and parks, and Boston is so rich due to the history and traditions.

My favorite city in the world, San Francisco, is beloved to me due to the architecture, the history of immigrants from the Gold Rush and through Angel Island, the collaboration of high end shopping in Union Square with China Town, the wonderful art museums, Pier 39, the wonderful winding roads that lead up and down and all around, and the beautiful victorian homes in the Castro district. But is that how I would define San Francisco? Or define the city?

If so, how would I begin to describe Los Angeles? I have lived there for 3 years now, yet I am not sure how I could summarize LA or define how it is a city.. Would it be the contrast of Bunker Hill with Skid Row? Would it be the "glamour" that drives crazies and talents into LA and Hollywood? What are your thoughts guys???

:)

Yay, yay yay!

Yay for today! :)

This week my mama and I booked our AMAZING photographer, Jennifer Disney. I am SO excited to have her take our pictures! All of her pictures look like they are dipped in magic! It's so great.

Yesterday Skylar and I narrowed down our invitation choices to two and just have to choose which ones we want :) ALSO! We found this rockin deal on packages in Ireland!! So PLEASE pray that we get to go to Ireland for our honeymoon, that will be AMAZING!!!! :)

Today my mama, Jeanne Dwan, and I headed over to the reception site to finalize details about decorations, talk about lighting, and all of the table decor. Then we bought some pieces for decorations, bridesmaids gifts, and booked DJ's!

Tomorrow we get to meet with DJ's and hopefully choose our invites!

Planning a wedding is very fun :)

Daily Little Joys

Isn't it cool when you see how God sprinkles little blessings over you during the day? Did you know that God LOVES to spoil us and make us joyful?? And, in return, when we give Him praise for it all, then we make HIM happy! How cool is that, that we get to make the savior of the world happy?!

Today has been a very happy day! Sure not much has happened, I worked during the day and have cramps all day but other good things have happened!

For example, I saw an old friend today who recently became a Christian. I got to spend a good amount of time talking with him and seeing how he is doing. This old friend of mine has just such a joy and kindness about him and it was so good to seeing him again!

During work I got to wear my favorite Coach shoes, eat little chocolates, and spin around in an office chair! It was so fun and made work more exciting!

After work my friend and I decided that we are going to go see the midnight premier of "Twilight: Eclipse" and I am so excited!!!

Outside the trees are windy, my whole family is together for dinner, and we get to play with our puppy!

Although nothing major happened today, I have just felt such a happiness today after realizing all the little joys God has sprinkled on my day!

I love when he does that :) Happy Tuesday everyone!!

Entering a New Stage

So I am in a very interesting stage of my life right now. I have one semester left in college, I am a new auntie, and I am getting married in 6 & 1/2 months. I am so excited to embark on this new stage in life, however at times I wonder how I got here so fast. How is that I am graduating college and getting married soon? I feel like I am still 17 years old and trying to figure everything out. It's weird to see that those older than me were right when saying "time goes by so fast". I find myself saying that constantly and feel aged! Yet when I reflect back on these last 3 years at Biola, I cannot help but notice the changes in my life.

I have learned that I deserve respect, that I am worthy of good Christian friends, I deserve an amazing Christian man, God's forgiveness is wider than anything I can imagine, I am capable of helping and changing lives, and I have a great call on my life that one day will come true.

This past semester has been one full of growth. I have grown in love, laughs, and memories so much more with my bestest friend Kate, I have seen the strength, perseverance, and drive of my roommate and best friend Jen, I have learned so much about my friends around me, and I have learned what kind of woman I am growing into.

Even though this next stage of my life is filled with surprises and more times to trust in the Lord to provide, I am excited. I think I am ready, and I know that I am not alone in this journey.

Also this summer, I have become so proud of my sister. She fights for things in a way I never knew before, she is determined to seek out truth in her life, and she is worthy of praise. I love my little sister and am so thankful for her in my life.

-K