Who Will Save Them?

Recently I have seen a lot of hurting children. In July my husband and I went to Africa and spent a few days in some orphanages. It was the hardest thing to get on that bus and drive away knowing I will never see them again and that they may never remember when the "mzungu" came to visit. But I do. I remember. I remember seeing the look in their eyes as we pulled up. I can still feel their little hands rubbing my white arms and asking to be picked up. I remember knowing that the "bathroom" they had was not only completely unsanitary, but was not how it should be for them. I know that they deserve better. I know that they deserve a mom, a daddy, a home with a bed for them to sleep on instead of the floors, and a meal more than once a day. I know they are loved by a mighty God. But do they? Who will teach them that they have an eternal Abba Father? Who will take them to church and instruct them how they can become personally saved by Him?

At work, I see children each day that came from abusive, dangerous, hurtful homes that will wreck permanent damage on their lives. I see the stories of their lives. I see the attachment issues, the depression, the undealt with anger, and their cries for attention. I hope that through my job I can find them a new place to call home. A new family. I hope that they can see through their future that their past was not their fault, not how it should have been for them, and not pulling them down from a healthy future. And i pray, i PRAY that someone someday teaches them about Jesus. My heart is heavy when I hear their stories. My heart breaks to think that they may never know Jesus. It's been pretty hard for me to see them through a Christian point-of-view and know that event though they deserve a better home, that still doesn't cut it for Heaven. I know I see them only for a stage of their lives, but it's hard to think that maybe even after all they have been through, Jesus won't save them.

So who will? I know in my head I have to trust that God is good. I have to trust that his plan for their lives are good. I have to believe that they will eventually find peace and joy. But in my heart, I feel so far from that belief... I wish I could save them. I wish I could tell them the Truth and bring them to church. But I can't. And I'm not supposed to. That's why we have a King. A King of Salvation who knows them WAY more than I do and know what it will take for them to come to know Him personally. So I pray. I trust when it's hard and I have to believe that God is good. All of the time.

Reflections...

Last week my husband and I were in Chicago for a conference. As we sat emerged with fellow married youth workers I learned so much. I am a blessed woman, there is a very real and amazing call on my career life that I have yet to find, I have an incredible husband, and I am so lucky that his schedule is so flexible.

The church we attend now is not one I would have chosen previously. However, after being there for 2 months I have learned some wonderful things; that at the end of the day, church is about hearing God's words and truth and if I am not getting anything out of the service then it is a heart issue, there is a beauty in saying the doxology every Sunday, I have learned the goodness of stating "the grass withers and the flower fades but the word of our God lasts forever" after each time the scriptures are read, and that the body of Christ has more kindness, joy, and peace then any other group of people I have ever encountered, and I love getting to spend time with God each week. Sometimes I forget how great being in the presence of God is and I hate to admit that, but it's true.

Recently, a dear friend of mine passed. As I began to deal with his illness I found myself wanting to be brave, "strong" and to not cry. But this was a completely wrong attitude. Christ wept, he mourned the loss of his friends, and he encourages us to take from his strength in the hard times (Matthew 11:28-30). Where did our culture come up with this concept that being "strong" means to not embrace emotions, pain, stress, and sorrow? If one was walking through a forest and saw a blizzard to their left, would they be considered brave or strong if they ignored the blizzard and walked right past it? Or would the strength come from braving the blizzards and coming out okay? Strength is embracing the hard times, being honest with our emotions, and relying on Christ to carry us through. One of my favorite verses is found in Isaiah 45:3, "I will give you the treasures of darkness, hidden riches of secret places, that you may know that I, the LORD, God of Israel, has called you by name". Christ not only promises there will be hard times (John 16:33), not only offers his strength to us in these troubles, but he has precious jewels and treasures waiting for us on the other side. The Lord God of Israel has called us by name and we may rejoice!

These past two weeks have been full of growth and joy. I got to spend time with my two best friends, Cate and Jen. Cate-Each time I am with you I feel like our friendship grows miles. You are closer to me than almost anyone and I love you soo much. Thank you for being my bffff. I love you and I am SO proud of the woman you have becoming and are continuing to shape into. You are beautiful. Jen, I adore you so much. Your joy for life, your kind heart and your friendship to me mean so much and are so powerful. I always have the BEST time with you and i miss living with you!!! (Although I do love living with Sky). Gosh you are such a great friend and are my bestest friend. I love you Jenn thank you SO much for coming to visit me!!!


In conclusion, I HIGHLY recommend reading "Ocean Star" by Christina DiMari. It is an incredible story and deeply impacted me. My prayer is that I can find my calling and shine for Christ like she is. She is an incredible woman and I feel my journey is just beginning in feeling my calling on my life. Sure I have tons of passions and interests, but my prayer is that God points me in the direction he wants me to go that can bring Him glory and feed my passions as well.

:)

A Happily Married Woman

So the big day finally came, January 15th :) The details came together beautifully and it was like a dream. Thank you Mama for making my dream a reality :) I love you. For three weeks now, I have been married. Surrounded by my family and friends I got to marry the sweetest, most gentle, silly, passionate, loyal, truthful, handsome, and amazing guy I have ever known. I have liked him since I was 10 and loved him since I was 14. And now, he is forever mine :-)

I loved spending time with my bestest friends for a few days. I already miss you all so much. Kate, thank you for being my lifelong soul sister. I literally could not do life without you. You are my bestest friend and make me laugh like no one else. I cannot wait to see you NEXT MONTH and do the best friend dance. You mean so much to me and are a huge part of my identity and my life. I love you catherine virginia wilcox. :)

Being married is so weird and so fun! I love getting to wake up next to skylar, to fall asleep praying together, and getting to eat almost every meal together. It's the best :) Not much feels different between us which is great, now we just see each other more. I have loved these past 3 weeks and seeing our lives enmesh and become one unique unit. It's cool to see how God works :)

Working for daddy is new as well! I have worked for him in the past, but it is weird to know that I have graduated college now and am working for him. Although it is only temporary, I am learning so much. I love my daddy so much. I love getting to spend more time with him and I am constantly praying that I find joy in scanning and cleaning up files throughout the day :)

Costa Rica was amazing and I wish we were still there sometimes :) Although there is a quiet beauty about sky and i just being home together and sharing real life with one another.

Please pray for constant protection around our marriage from Satan as the world constantly tries to disintegrate marriage and the family, please pray for my grandmother who is sick, and please pray for my sweet nephew Joseph that he may continue to develop into a happy, healthy, adorable boy who knows Jesus. I miss him so much...

<3>

Countdown

So Kate and I are getting matching tattoos in March and this is the design so far... It means beautiful young woman, and K for Kayla and Cate. What do you guys think?? ----->


I have wonderful things to count down to :) Want to know what they are? Okay since you asked :)

1. Graduation from College:: 19 Days!!!!!!! (HOLY CRAP)
2. Wedding Day:: 48 Days!!!!!!!!
3. Honeymoon: 51 days!!!!

Then there is Chicago, Hawaii, Texas, California, and maybe Uganda!!! YAY!!!

Quality or Quantity of Life?

Recently in my social work class we discussed dying. Fun topic right? :) Well in this class we were talking abut Dr. Kevorkian, euthanasia, and whether one determines their life by quality or quantity. For example, would YOU (yes you reading this) rather die younger in a very quick or painless death while you were still healthy, active, and joyful? Or would you rather live a long life that you age slowly and die in a slower process? We then began talking about euthanasia and if someone has a right to decide when they die. Everyone, literally everyone, said we do not have that right to decide. Whether we become a vegetable or not, we need to let God decide when to take us away.
Although I agree that God is in ultimate control, if it were me and I was a vegetable, I would not want to live. I would rather spare those around me the emotional pain and financial burden of watching me live the remainder of my life as a vegetable. I received some scrutiny from this as others said "Don't you think God is sovereign? Isn't this like committing suicide?" Yes and no. I do believe God is sovereign. If I unplug my life machine and keep on living, obviously God wanted me to keep on living. However, I also believe that God wants his children to be happy. If I were to spend 5-10 years in pain, numb, without any chance of recovery and was miserable, would he not want me to be happy and spend those additional years in Heaven with him? I think God would rather us be pain-free, happy, and enjoying the abundant life He gave us. I believe those who are vegetables deserve a voice in saying whether they want to live this way or not. Think of "Million Dollar Baby" for example.
Now on to the topic of committing suicide and Dr. Kevorkian. The topic at hand was whether people should have a right to decide when they die, and whether assisted suicide should be legal or not. For those who do not know of Dr. Kevorkian, he was "assisting" people in their deaths. They would approach him, he would give them drugs, and they would die. These patients could have been mentally ill, physically ill, or just depressed, and Dr. Kevorkian would help them out. I think that part is wrong. I think that if someone is mentally ill, or so physically ill that it alters their thinking, then it should be illegal for them to decide to die. They are not in the right stable mind to make such decisions. I also question whether those who are healthy and somewhat happy should be allowed to take these drugs in order to die. But my question is, even if this did not exist, it's not like people have no options for killing themselves. They can overdose, drive their car off a cliff, and do any number of things to die. Those are legal, so what is the difference?
I realize how morbid I sound now haha. I am not saying that I agree with Dr.Kevorkian, that I think assisted suicide should become legal, or that people have a right to kill themselves. As a Christian, I think murder is wrong. No matter who it is against. I just have these thoughts bouncing around in my head and want to let them out. If any of my 3 readers want to input an opinion, it is more than appreciated :)

Contemplations

So last week my family and I were in Huntington Beach and witnessed something very... unique? sad? i don't know how to describe it. We stood on the pier for over an hour and watched 16 lifeguards, 3 helicopters, 4 boats, 2 jet skis with 2 more lifeguards on each, and 2 scuba divers search the vast ocean for 2 lost swimmers. There was a group of 4 guys from Riverside at the beach that day following a wedding they attended. Two of them, guys in their 20's drowned in the waters. Apparently the lifeguards stayed out in the water until 1am searching for them. However they drowned and the bodies usually don't float back up until 3 days later. What struck me, was that even though there was SO many people scouring the waters, it still was not enough. How vast is the ocean? How powerful are the waves? And since I believe in a Creator, what does that show about His mighty power??

I have only that close around death one time before, when my uncle Bob died. As I was praying for the families and friends of the drowned men, my attention kept coming back to the lifeguards searching the water. They worked together so closely and efficiently. They would count to 3, all go under searching, and pop back up. They formed a line and moved slowly and carefully through the waters. I can't imagine what they were going through. I know if it was me, then my adrenaline would be pumping and I would be so desperate to find the bodies. On time preferably, but at least find them. I then imagine if they didn't find the bodies, and I was one of the lifeguards, I would feel like there was something I did wrong, like I should have tried harder or not..

Which brings me to thinking about my major. I am majoring in Social work, and I want to help out the silenced, the beaten, and the neglected. Yet I struggle because I am a go-getter, "fixer" kind of person. I like to see the issue, see how it needs improvement, fix it, and move on. However sometimes you cannot fix it. Sometimes there is nothing you can do, except listen, care, and be there. But you see, that is not really how I like to work :) It's a good thing that our Heavenly Father can handle all of this huh? Aren't we so lucky that he is ALWAYS there, and ALWAYS big enough to handle the hurts, stresses, frustrations, and failures??

As I come closer to graduation, I am starting to be scared... Am I ready to graduate? Have I soaked up all of my college education? Am I prepared for the world out there? Am I capable of making a difference and working in the social work field?? Sometimes I feel like a woman, and other times I feel like I'm only 21 (which I am) and still have SO much to learn. Graduating (and getting married) is a huge leap of faith. And I am ready to take that jump, I am just a little bit nervous :) What will my life be like without school? Without my parents paying for almost everything (that part I am not so excited to leave :) ) Without being under the care of my parents?

I thank God for days like these. Where I can sleep in, rest, reflect, take time to get ready and feel pretty, and know that there is NOTHING i need to do today :)

Soon I need to start turning in work applications. Scary!! If anyone is reading this, will they pray that the perfect job door be opened for me?? Thank you :)

-K

Oregon

I am here in Oregon with my family for a reunion. Yesterday we got to drive to little old beach towns, see an old light house, and drive through the beautiful country side. Isn't it funny to see how just one state can vary so much in nature, mood, sights, smells, and persona?? What does that say about the people living in the city?

Recently a family friend of mine asked me "what defines a city"? It is the architecture? Is it a movie, song, or poem that highlights or exemplifies the city? Is it a large piece of art? Or is it the collaboration of sights, smells, people, and sounds that jumbled together make a rhythm for the city? For example, most people would say what is so great about Chicago is the architecture. New York is great for the layouts of the roads and parks, and Boston is so rich due to the history and traditions.

My favorite city in the world, San Francisco, is beloved to me due to the architecture, the history of immigrants from the Gold Rush and through Angel Island, the collaboration of high end shopping in Union Square with China Town, the wonderful art museums, Pier 39, the wonderful winding roads that lead up and down and all around, and the beautiful victorian homes in the Castro district. But is that how I would define San Francisco? Or define the city?

If so, how would I begin to describe Los Angeles? I have lived there for 3 years now, yet I am not sure how I could summarize LA or define how it is a city.. Would it be the contrast of Bunker Hill with Skid Row? Would it be the "glamour" that drives crazies and talents into LA and Hollywood? What are your thoughts guys???

:)